This movie starts off where The Addams Family left off: with the Addamses bouncing around in a macabre manner, and generally paying no attention to the odd looks they get on the street. There’s Gomez, the bumbling Italian father; Morticia, the Gothic and beautiful wife; Wednesday, the cute, morbid and all-around hilarious daughter; Pugsley, the dim-witted but still dark son; Uncle Fester, a ghoul who can channel electricity through his body; Lurch, the Frankenstein manservant; and Thing, a living hand. We can’t forget Grammama, a witch who specializes in curses, and Cousin Itt, a furry hairball with an unintelligible squeaky voice.

When Morticia delivers a new child (named Pubert) the other children are jealous, prompting the parents to hire a nanny to keep the older kids to murder Pubert. The new nanny is Debbie, who Fester takes an immediate liking to. However, Debbie might be a homicidal maniac set on marrying Fester, killing him, and leaving with cash in hand.

The children discover her, causing Debbie to send them to frighteningly chipper and bright Camp Chippewa, where Wednesday meets her love interest Joel Glicker.

This movie is, quite simply put, morbid hilarity at its unhinged best. I can quote this movie backwards starting from the end of the credits, it’s just that hilarious. I don’t think it’s exaggerating to say this is twenty times better than the original.

The acting, I don’t even need to explain. Everyone, even the smallest actors were brilliant. My favorite bits concern the kids at camp, especially when Wednesday, Joel, Pugsley, and the other outcasts stage an over-the-top revolt against the terrifying cheeriness of the camp. Debbie is also amazingly funny, but her stand-out moment was near the end, when she was talking through her slideshow and explaining her motives.

9 out of 10 skulls, moving on please.

Fact: This movie is overrated.

I don’t mean to insult the movie, but it’s a proven fact. Well, okay, it’s an opinion, but I have a website SO MY OPINION IS BETTER THAN YOURS! (Just kidding.)

Look, I’m sorry, but the only reason I went to the movie, the only reason my friends went to the movie, the only reason that everyone I know went to the movie is The Joker.

The Joker’s kick-ass, don’t get me wrong, but every time he’s not on screen, everybody is all tensed up waiting for him and then he shows up and AAAH! HEATH LEDGER IS SO FREAKING AWESOME and then he leaves and everyone sighs and comes down of their inexplicable cocaine high.

What I’m trying to say is, The Joker is the one thing that elevates this film above the rest of the awesome Batman movies. Although personally I thought Luke Skywalker was the ultimate Joker.

The rest of the cast is decent. Christian Bale was on my crap list ever since American Psycho, onto my good side with Batman Begins, and then on my bad side again when he did Terminator: Salvation. I thought he did a mezza-mezza job of conveying Bruce’s and Batman’s separate identities, but does Batman always have to sound so gruff? I mean, Bruce is a normal guy, but as soon as Batsy comes out, he sounds like he’s been smoking cigarettes since the Korean War.

I personally think Maggie Gyllenhaal would have been good as a sort of neo-gothic Harley Quinn, but hey, you had to have a returning love interest. Keeping with the comic-book Batman’s ever-changing love interests, I thought the reporter Vicki Vale would have been a great addition to the cast (played in my mind by a pre-Gremlins Phoebe Cates) or even a sort-of Barbara Gordon without ruining it and making her Batgirl. Selena Kyle, even, setting up Catwoman.

Aaron Eckhart’s performance was another key thing about this film, he was perfect in relaying the sorrow and madness Two-Face was going through, and although he died I wouldn’t have minded him returning for the inevitable sequel.

Gary Oldman was typical Gary Oldman.

The action sequences were suitably on-edge and suspenseful, and there were plenty of them, though thankfully they didn’t jam-pack them in like in Batman Returns, bringing me back to Selena Kyle.

Moving on, the story is deep and complex, overboard for a comic book adaption but suiting Batman to a T.

And that’s how I feel as a whole. Good dialogue, B+ performances, and Heath Ledger steals the show. 8 out of 10 skulls means if you’re one of the nine people in the world who hasn’t seen it, I recommend it to a high bidder.

Batman and Robin still blows, in case you’re wondering.

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And thanks, Mutant Reviewers From Hell!

I deeply regret it.

Anyway, there’s this kid named Dougie who is obsessed with a violent, evil video game called Satan’s Little Helper. Very sacreligious.

Anyway, when his sister comes home for Halloween with her boyfriend, Dougie gets frustrated and dressed up as the titular character, goes trick-or-treating along. He comes across a man dressed up as a demon murdering someone in their front yard and putting them up like a decoration. Dougie naively believes that it’s Satan and announces his undying servitude toward his master.

Oh, yeah. You know you want to see this.

SLH is easily the best dark comedy I’ve seen in years, possibly better than Heathers.

Naw.

Anyway, although it seems like everything is being played out very seriously, if you look closely, you’ll see it’s not meant to be taken seriously. One of the most obvious moments is when The Satan Man is in the car rocking out to heavy metal.

The acting is superb for a slasher film. The characters are all aspecially believable, except for maybe the sister, who is a little too dumb for a teenager in a slasher. Wait no, then she would be brain dead.

Dougie is actually a good child actor. Once again, a kid who doesn’t grind my nerves? This is going very well.

The effects are cartoonish, but again, they’re meant to be that way.

The comedy and horror are very well spaced out and mixed together. It’s definitely not Gremlins. If you think the twisted humor of Trick ‘r Treat, you’re on the right track, but its’ still even darker. If you’re not the kind of person who can recognize and take a joke, it might be a little disturbing seeing a kid in a devil costume being pushed in a store cart by a guy in a demon mask taking out pregant women, baby strollers, and blind men while calling out, “Twenty points!” But otherwise, you should be fine.

Also, the ending is amazing. Hilarious and spine-chilling at the same time.

8 out of 10 skulls.

After watching Paranormal Activity at a horror con two years ago, I had such high hopes for when it was to be released in theaters. And then it happened.

It was such a downer on my day. It was worse, in a way, than a movie like Leonard Part 6 because I went into it expecting it to totally blow me away with something completely off the wall, and it ends up all I get is a changed ending and a crappy cliffhanger. Jesus.

Okay, it wasn’t a bad movie. It was actually better in theaters than when I saw it in 2007, but the issue here is that it was supposed to be so, so, so much better. But we should start with the good points first.

The acting was excellent. Micah and Katie were very believable and had realistic chemistry; I will be very surprised if I find out the real-life Katie and Micah aren’t going out. Katie was amazing as the haunted chick, and Micah was hilariously jack-ass-ish while still being someone we would root for, because we like him even so. The psychic who visits their house is such an endearing coward that you can’t help but say, “Dude, you better get the f**k out of there!”

And while you may think that the couple should heed that advice, Oren Peli comes up with a million different reasons why they need to stay.

My problem is that not only is the theater experience is the best, but that the ending sucked. The original ending was alright, why couldn’t they have stuck with that?

All right, it was a good film, okay, but I can’t stand the fact that I got cheated out of what was supposed to be the best horror movie of the year. 6 out of 10 skulls.

So this movie starts off with The Greatest Band of ALL TIME, Bowling for Soup, playing their song from BFS Goes to the Movies, Little Red Riding Hood. Then Shannon Elizabeth and her idiot friend visiting a gypsy played by Portia de Rossi. Yes, you read that right. A gypsy named Portia de Rossi.

Anyway, the gypsy spells doom for them, and they leave the carnival. We all of a sudden cut away to Jesse Eisenberg (WOOHOO!), or Jimmy, chasing his dog Zipper across the street, and runs into the love interest Brooke– and her boyfriend Bo, who is such a freaking homophobe that we guess the truth about fifteen seconds into his introduction.

We are also introduced to Jimmy’s older sister Elly (Christina Ricci), her boyfriend Jake (who runs the stupidest horror convention ever), and her coworkers Kyle and vindictive bitch Joanie.

Long story short, Shannon Elizabeth and Jimmy and Elly get into a car crash, and while the two girls are killed by some wolf-type creature, Jimmy and Elly are scratched and bitten respectively. Zipper also bites Jimmy, infecting himself.

So, while Jimmy and Elly are turning into werewolves, Jake’s ex-girlfriends are being systematically murdered one by one, and no one knows who to blame…

Okay, so after Scream, Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson collaborated again on Dracula 2000, which everyone was raving about it bringing back the vampire genre, but it turned out to bomb. So, they came back with Cursed, and everyone was ranting for about five years before its release about how they were revitalizing monster movies, and then it was released, and it was just as much a failure as D2K.

I don’t think that either of theirs bombing was deserved, but this review is on Cursed. So, the acting first. I thought it was pretty okay, but the breakout performances are from the leads. Ha! Imagine that! Eisenberg and Ricci are brillinat. Jake was… aaaalll riiiight… but Joanie was also great, and slightly hilarious. Kyle wasn’t anything special, but Bo was hilarious as the homophobic gay dude.

The effects were kind of horrible. I mean, when I first saw the werewolf, my first thoughts were, “It’s the Muppet Show!” I kept waiting for Miss Piggy to show up and save the day with a karate kick.

And that’s it! 5 out of 10 skulls. By no means bad, but utterly forgettable. Stay tuned for reviews of Addams Family Values, Paranormal Activity, and Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant!

Trick ‘r Treat is basically an anthology, set up like the old EC comics like Tales from the Crypt, the Vault of Horror and The Haunt of Fear. Hell, the intro and ending are comics, and there are comic-like captions throughout the film. Missing however, are the gleeful narrators we love so much. In their place, we get a very simple yet effective rule:

Don’t screw with All Hallow’s Eve, lest Hallowe’en screw with you.

The traditions, urban legends, and guidelines of my favorite night of the year are played out in a very effective style, with a certain sack-clothed little trick-or-treater serving as the focal point, connecting theme, or even antagonist throughout the stories. His name is Sam. The less horror-themed of my brethren will fail to notice this is a subtle reference to Samhain, Halloween’s original name, technically making little Sam the spirit of Halloween. And a more malevolent spirit I have yet to meet.

The stories are certainly standalone, but they are intertwined in clever ways, and either happen simultaneously or rapidly subsequently, so you basically feel like this is just a small town in the middle of nowhere that just happens to be sitting atop of a Hellmouth, pardon my Buffy reference.

Our first tale is of a young couple. Now, Henry is a stickler for Halloween traditions, but Emma, exhausted, just wants the night be over with. Poor Emma. And in less than ten minutes, we experience our first real scare.

Next on the chopping block is the story of a sadistic school principal who teaches a young bully our next most important lesson: Always check your candy.

A Little Red Riding Hood virgin goes out with her sisters in search of a first time– but that not might be exactly what her date thinks.

An old man with a dark past refuses to give out candy and is paid a visit by Sam, who instills in him exactly why he should adhere to traditions.

My favorite tale is that of four young friends– leader and biotch Macy, headgear-endowed Sara, empathetic Schrader, and foul-mouthed and -minded Chip, who are out collecting eight jack o’ lanterns to represent eight deaths in a creepy urban legend– and they get a lot more than they bargained for when they pull a trick on autistic savant Rhonda.

Altogether, this might not be the creepiest or goriest film out there, but it is definitely an instant classic and is soon to be Samhain tradition in my household. Make sure you only watch it in October though, and definitely not often, else you be labeled a sadist, because trust me, this film has a deep-seated grudge toward children, who feel Halloween’s wrath in every imaginable wave.

To lighten the ambiance is a vein of lighthearted but dangerously twisted and black humor, which is just the touch this witch’s brew needed to be forever heralded as a genre classic. Altogether, 7 out of 10 skulls means check it out– you never know if Sam is waiting for his next victim…

Zombieland is better than Shaun of the Dead.

The movie starts out with our main hero Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) giving narration about the zombie apocalypse. Apparently, he has a notebook in which he has written down 31 (later extended to 32) rules on how to survive and keep sane in the current United States of Zombieland. Columbus soon runs into the badass Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) whose goal in life is finding and eating the remaining Twinkies on Earth. While raiding a grocery store for the yummy yellow logs, they run into con artist Wichita (Emma Stone) and her little sister Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) who are aiming to to reach the Pacific Playland amusement park in California, which is certified zombie-free.

The film follows our intrepid band as they road trip across the States taking on zombies. Wichita overcomes her trust issues, Little Rock gets to be a little kid again, Tallahassee finds a Twinkie, and Columbus finally gets a girl whose hair he can brush over her ear.

Along the way, they overcome obstacles such betrayals, loss of weapons, stolen vehicles, and Bill Murray, playing himself, who gives an absolutely hilarious cameo when our heroes raid his mansion.

The acting is stupendous. I’m not a big fan of child actors because normally they just grate on you, but Breslin managed to not be annoying. Stone had a few problems (mostly with being convincing) but overall was a solid actress. Jesse Eisenberg, the new Michael Cera, is definitely one of the greatest up-and-coming actors of our time. But of course, Woody steals the show with the slightly dim but still zombie-ass-kicker portrayal of Tallahassee.

The effects are bloody, gooey, disgusting, and absolutely awesome, from the gunshots to the gross slime the zombies vomit up. I had a great time watching those nightwalkers meet the maker, especially the circus clown (Columbus is terrified of clowns).

Overall, you owe it to yourself to check this movie out. 10 skulls out of 10.